Grad School

Lately, I've been knee deep in thought, pursuing the idea that my undergrad will likely end, and that I may have to actually do something with myself after the celebrations have ended.

I am in the Lovely position of being able to do, essentially, whatever I like. I went to a career counsellor not too long ago, asking them to help give me some direction. And she laughed and went over all the reasons I could do anything. I have pretty good grades, a research background, a charming personality (I put that in there, not her... Hehehe...), the works right? What's a boy to do... Ever since I was little, my mom, my dad, my teachers, even my sister; they all encouraged me. Always letting me know that if I put my mind to things, I can get shit done. I'm paraphrasing, but whatever. Haha!!

Only recently have I began to discover limitations, and honestly, they seem internal. A current figure in my Life that is amongst the most encouraging, is my thesis supervisor Matti. He's the guy who roped me into the lab in first year, and through Love and charisma kept me around... He's an avid supporter of graduate researcher. Master's, PhD's, all that jazz. Of course, he stresses the neuroscience route. Haha!! And for a moment, he almost convinced me.

But moments are fleeting, especially that one. I understand research. I appreciate research. I may even be good at it. But brother, I don't like it. Haha!! I try and be objective, so I try and argue in a pro stance with regards to research. The only reason I could see myself going into research, despite my personal distaste for it, is the fact that I might be good at it; that I might make a difference. But what kind of difference would that be? A few significant differences amongst a pool of studies that bring us micrometres amongst light years towards the truth?

And maybe I'm just trying to convince myself again; trying to rationalize my decision, but... I'd like to hope that a happy me would be far more productive, far more beneficial to you, to my friends, to my family, to society; regardless of my role. Wouldn't we all be better off if I were a happy humble post-man, as opposed to me being a cranky frazzled researcher? I'd like to think so.

When I first decided to at least go to university, the plan was to get my PhD in clinical, and become a registered psychologist. Pretty big ambitions for a high school graduate. I almost made it too... Haha!! But clinical psychology is tough to get into, and I've recently learned that it is VERY research oriented. Practicing psychologists are supposed to be pushing out research studies. No thanks. There goes that dream. But... I still want to help people, I'm still a good listener with good interpersonal skills, and I like to think I'm "wise" and could share useful advice. I think I connect with people. I'd like to still do that.

So, there are a couple of counselling psychology programs that I'm going to apply to. Only them, because, again, why should I do something that doesn't make me happy? No GREs, just marks and a few applications. I think there's an interview for one of them too. And if I don't get into them? Well... Then I find something else; something else that makes me happy.

So this doesn't become just another anti-research rant for me, I'll share some links you might find useful.

http://www.nipissingu.ca/graduatestudies/graduatestudies_funding.asp
http://www.ets.org/portal/site/ets/menuitem.3a88fea28f42ada7c6ce5a10c3921509/?vgnextoid=85b65784623f4010VgnVCM10000022f95190RCRD

Potentially, there is a lot of planning, forms, and applications to go through. If you are interested, start as early as you can. Like, by the beginning of fourth year, if you know what you want to do... Well... You'd be more fortunate than I. :)